WHAT IS SELF-CONCEPT

The self-concept is how we think about ourselves, evaluate, and define ourselves. This idea of yourself is believed to be with you from childhood, it’s your real self', but then as you grow 'Conditions of worth' surround your ‘true self'. Conditions of Worth are things people have said or done that affect the way that you think, feel and act. Psychodynamic theory states that events in our childhood have a great influence on our adult lives, shaping our personality. Events that occur in childhood can remain in the unconscious, and cause problems as adults. Freud thought that the first few years of our lives were crucial to our future development. The relationships we establish, the way we are treated by our parents and many of our other experiences have a huge impact to the structure of our psyche and the personality and behaviour we display as adults.

The self-concept includes 3 parts:

1)Self-worth or (self-esteem)- this is how much value you place on yourself. Self-esteem always involves a degree of evaluation, and we may have either a positive or a negative view of ourselves that can change. Your self-esteem develops and changes as a result of your life experiences and interactions with other people.

High self-esteem we have a positive view of ourselves. This tends to lead to confidence in our own abilities, self-acceptance and not worrying about what others think.

Low self-esteem we have a negative view of ourselves. This tends to lead to lack of confidence, wanting to be/look like someone else, always worrying what others might think of you.

2)Self-Image-is how we see ourselves; this includes the influence of our body image on our personality, a good or bad person, this influences how we think, feel, and behave in the world. A person's self-image is affected by many factors, such as parental influences, friends, the media etc.

3)Ideal Self- is the person we would really like to be. The ideal self consists of our goals, ambitions and it is forever changing. If there is a mismatch between how you see yourself (your self-image) and what you’d like to be (your ideal self) then this is likely to affect how much you value yourself.

• Constantly neglecting your needs and making others needs a priority
• Comparing yourself to others negatively
• Feeling that you have no control over your life
• Lack of clear healthy boundaries
• Lack of confidence and fear of asking for help
• Self doubt and finding it hard to make decisions for yourself
• Self judging and being overly critical of yourself
• Negative self-talk
• Difficulty accepting compliments
• Fear of failure by voiding challenges due to fear of not succeeding.
• People pleasing
• Feelings of unworthiness and not loving towards yourself

• Bereavement
• Past bullying and abuse
• Childhood experiences like your parents or other caregivers not meeting your needs
• Extreme negative thoughts towards your self
• Obsessisive negative thinking and being pre-occupied with sad thoughts or memories

Are you tired of fighting yourself? Do you sabotage your relationships due to low self-esteem? When we operate out of self-awareness, it can make it easy to project our own insecurities onto others. You will find that most of the relationship issues are caused by poor communication. When you don’t communicate your needs, you might end up getting upset that they are not met.

Do you find yourself avoiding open communication to prevent rejection or conflict due to negative experiences? Remember that no one can mind read, if you don’t communicate how you feel, the other person might think that you are ok, and everything is fine. Having a healthy communication can provide emotional support to you and the other person, you can establish and maintain personal boundaries or learn how to cope with unhealthy behaviours within the relationship.

Having a negative view of self can bring in unhealthy coping mechanisms and it can make it difficult to navigate a healthy relationship. Are you constantly thinking about what others think of you, do you compare yourself negatively to others. This way of being can cause you to fall into self-pity and self-centredness, you may shut down and withdraw, which can make the significant other feel rejected by you or it may cause you to isolate. You might feel that you don’t have much to offer, spending time with others feels like a waste of your and their time or simply that you will have no influence on anything. Then you start avoiding social events because you feel anxious (social anxiety) or that you struggle with conversations with fear of judgement, you might feel ashamed to share anything about yourself in case it is perceived negatively, you feel that others might enjoy spending time or talking to someone else instead of you. You stop doing activities that once brought you joy, which can lead into depression.

Avoiding social situations or distancing yourself might originate from negative experiences, disappointments or emotional wounds. You may have been through a few toxic or abusive relationships or grew up around emotionally unavailable parents or suffered mistrust from family, friends or those closest to you. As a result, people start relying only on themselves to avoid getting hurt and finding it hard to ask for help to avoid disappointments.